ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My vagina is officially offended.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
