Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
