Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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