on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
