im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
