Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
