Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
