Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
