my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
