During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Why are your pants in the freezer?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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