Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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