I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
did i just pee glitter
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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