the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
