Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
