I accidentally had phone sex last night
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize