: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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