Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize