fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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