God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
