Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We don't watch enough power rangers
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
