He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize