I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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