I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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