plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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