you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
