Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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