I'm jealous of your bromance
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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