I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
