Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
