That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
it was like eating out sand paper
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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