Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
she told me i tasted like america
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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