hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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