sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
