after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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