Whod you bang
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I didn't notice because vodka
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Randomize