thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
