you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
