For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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