Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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