I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
