I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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