at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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