my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
