Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
