you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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