i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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