Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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