I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
