Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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