Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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