I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
