it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
