There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
