I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
