I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
