i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
