: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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