I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
