At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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