oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
