: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
