I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
