I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
