i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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