so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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