I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
