hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
